Even confident guys freak at the thought of you saying you’re “just not that into him,” says Connor, a 24-year-old music management rep.
“Sometimes you don’t feel anything right away, but over time you come to realize it may be more,” says Josh, a 27-year-old public relations specialist.You two have obvious chemistry—you flirt, you chat, you hang out—but the buck stops there. Since this generation of singles is more emotionally-evolved than ever before, traditional dating norms have basically been tossed out the window, says psychologist Karla Ivankovich, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Springfield. It seems to me, after considering the biblical evidence, that male-female friendships lean even more heavily on a process that exists in all friendships: We usually undergo this process subconsciously with each new relationship: evaluating whether the relationship will be detrimental to ourselves or disobedient to God, and if it is not, identifying healthy parameters to make the relationship as fruitful as possible, and finally enjoying the ongoing benefits of the relationship. One person has completely innocent or friendly intentions, and the other falls in love. Are they obviously inappropriate, or undeniably essential in healthy church community?“Even if common interest seems to be there, this is a big one,” Sam says.“Saying, ‘I'm just being single right now,’ or ‘I’m focusing on work,’ or the like is the worst, because that person is implying that a good relationship would hinder their life!He’s not sure if he fits into your life at this point.If you constantly project how busy you are, that you’re “really into work right now,” or are “just really happy being single,” your guy friend might start to get the wrong message (read: don’t pursue me, please).In my mind, the person is obviously going to tell everyone.Related to that, there’s the whole ‘I don't want to make it weird if it doesn't work out’ thing. If two people that are friends decide to date and it doesn't work out, it always makes things weird.” And Connor has experience in this arena, having formerly dated a female friend.