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I have never been invited to these, which I don’t mind since I am married and drinking is not really fun to me anymore.The problem I have, however, is when they get back to work after the party or trip and ramble on about how much fun they had to myself and others who were not included.Now, on a few occasions, my parents would organize a big potluck picnic at the park when a sibling or I was visiting, and invite the relatives over to join us, but sometimes that just didn’t happen in the time we had there, and we never had the entire family show up, anyway.Please note that all of these relatives were younger than our parents, and fully capable of going anywhere they wanted to, which they did, often.(My parents had an open door policy with their family members at all times, so this was not imposing on our parents).The one family member who lived 10 minutes away always showed up at my parents’ when she heard we were coming, and we had a good time visiting with her, but she was the exception.Due to school, work, sports, vacation day limits, etc., we usually were only there for about 3-4 days at a time.

Especially discussed is anger over people not buying off registries, disdain for gifts received, and constant monitoring and updates of how many gifts have been purchased off their registry leading up to the event (while bemoaning how few items have been purchased). Throwing my best friends baby shower a few years back threw me off the entire celebration all together.I am 31 and he’s 41, and as such we’re financially, relationship wise, and career wise much more stable for having waited to start our family. I acknowledge that puts me in a different position than many of the women I’m seeing in these groups, I feel lucky for it, but I made my sacrifices too in deciding to wait.Now that we’re all getting with 2-6 weeks of our due dates many more women are holding showers and well…freaking out about registries.My siblings and I usually did not all come at the same time, as it taxed our folks to have us all there at once, plus our vacation times often just didn’t sync.My siblings reported to me that they had the same remarks made regarding them that my husband and I had when we visited with my parents: namely, all of our parents’ area siblings, with the exception of the one who lived 10 minutes away, would always tell our parents, “Now when your kids get there, tell them we’d love to see them, and we’ll be home anytime they want to come by.” My mother would dutifully relay this message and ask if we wanted to go visit.Then they would complain to our parents after we left, “Oh, we would have loved to see (name) and his/her family. ” And my parents (usually my mom) always had to say something like, “They had such limited time here; it just wasn’t possible.” Which was true, actually.So, were my siblings and I rude to steadfastly refuse to go all over that end of the state visiting, or were the relatives rude to expect us to come see them, and not take our mother’s suggestion to drop by for some cake and a visit? My mom was the people-pleasing kind that if we had driven all over to visit, she’d have gone with us happily, but if they had come to us instead, she’d have been just as happy with that plan, in fact, probably happier, as she was a homebody. Still, I always felt bad that this seemed to land in my mother’s lap, but they always contacted her and my dad, not us, before we got there and after we left.Here’s the etiquette issue: my siblings and I, who had driven anywhere from 12 to 16 hours each way, usually with children (toddlers to teens) and spouses in tow, would refuse to drive around the countryside and visit these relatives.We always told our parents we’d love to see the others, too, but could they come see us at our parents’ house instead?My mother, bless her heart, after we’d refused to drive out for visiting, would then call the area family members to say that we would love to see them, and would invite them over for coffee and cake (she always baked a cake or two) so they could visit with us.Almost every time, those family members said they would try, then not show up. Goodness, they drove all that way to get here, what’s a drive of half an hour or so to come see us?


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