Embrace the fact that you are not the same person that you were when you committed to the person no longer by your side and that you must take the time and patience with yourself to sufficiently recover from the trauma that you have endured.In other words, you must truly get to know the person that you are right now, this minute. You Realize That You Are "Not Guilty" When you have been functioning in life as one-half of a couple, you understandably become conditioned to thinking of yourself in those terms.You might even feel like stalking that abandoning partner to try to find enough information to keep yourself from going crazy in an unbelievable situation.Or, perhaps you'd rush too quickly into another relationship just to find temporary solace.
No one can tell another person when to try again, when to retreat, what to change, or how to approach next opportunity.
For example, you are likely to be angry with an ex-spouse who was abusive or unfaithful.
You may likely be angry at the circumstances surrounding your spouse's death.
By all means, honor, keep and treasure the beautiful memories that you have; however, in order to both be fair to and enjoy someone new, you need to be able to put the Ghost of Relationship Past in its proper place. This means a life that is yours alone; a life that is individually gratifying in its own right. As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you be content with your own company both within your four walls and in the outside world. I once dated a man who had not recovered from being broken up with in high school -- This gentleman made a conscious decision to be emotionally unavailable to anyone else because of one prior bad experience (in high school, no less).
Do you have your own career, your own hobbies, your own pursuits, your own set of friends with whom you play sports, lunch, drink or dine? This contentment will enable you to make wise decisions in your dating choices and when you do choose to introduce someone new into your life, it will be for all of the right reasons. Your emotional availability will have everything to do with two things; the amount of time that you have spent recovering from your divorce or the death of your spouse and your willingness to make yourself emotionally available.