He is so crushed his “dream school” has suddenly lost all its luster. To validate someone’s experience means to recognize the difficult emotions they may be feeling, and show that you empathize with them.
After his breakup, he isn’t sure this is the best fit for him anymore. For example, I want to validate you for potentially feeling helpless and sad for your son, and perhaps even anxious for the fall.
This will also scare away any other potential partners for the future. If you keep agendas hidden from them or refuse to let them meet the person you're dating, it will be a lot more difficult for you in the long run to have a good relationship on either end. However, friends keep you sane when your partner is driving you crazy. While you can't avoid your friends, you can't include them in every aspect of your relationship.
Also, if something goes wrong, you'll need your core group of friends to hold you up and be there for you. Having middle men and friends that like to interfere ('help') only makes problems worse. Whether you're 15 or 55, keeping open communication with the person you're dating is absolutely essential.
My son just experienced his first serious relationship.
She broke up with him stating “I have lost feelings for you.” They are both starting college in the fall; yes, to the same school.
Often when we care about someone and want to take away their pain, we rush to problem solving too quickly.
An example of how validation might sound without bashing or problem solving could be something like, “It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain right now.
I’m sorry you’re going through this — getting through a breakup really difficult!
Over time, you will start to notice when it is more appropriate to engage in more depth with his questions about starting college in the fall.
And you might even begin to bring it up as a way of preparing him for what’s to come.